vgdivision: (logic fail)
[personal profile] vgdivision
(Disclaimer: The PPC was originally created by Jay and Acacia. “Vanilla Cream” (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5519373/1/Vanilla_Cream) was originally written by tom641. Sonic the Hedgehog and all associated properties are the property of Sonic Team. Xericka and Gremlin are my property, as is the briefly mentioned story “Sensation.” Doctor Fitzgerald belongs to the PPC. The following story contains yuri and familial relations that would make Freud slam his head against the nearest wall. NSFW.)

“Gremlin. Have you read this?”

“Hang on a sec, Xer,” Gremlin said. She tapped her pen against the book of crossword puzzles in her lap. “Hmm… what’s a six letter word for drywall mineral? Last letter is—HEY!” The book was quickly snatched away by a black-gloved hand and tossed into one of the corners of the RC.

The black-haired agent glared at Xericka. The Nobody glared right back, her normally pale face now flushed with annoyance. “Have you read this?” she repeated as she held up several pieces of paper. “Has anyone spoken to you about this libel against me?”

“What libel?” Gremlin said sourly as she glanced over to where her book had landed.

Xericka shook the papers in her papers in her hand for emphasis. “This completely untrue story from Fanfic Land!”

“Fanfic Land?” Gremlin grinned as she suddenly forgot about her crosswords. “Oh ho ho ho! You got slashed, didn’t you? Lemme see!” She reached for the papers clenched in Xericka’s fist.

The Nobody backed away. Gremlin would have sworn that for a moment her face turned a slightly deeper shade of pink. No, wait - pale red. The word 'pink' had no place anywhere in the same sentence as 'Xericka.' “If you have not already read this, than there is no point in your reading it now,” she said.

“Then why’d you print it out to show it to me?” Gremlin stood up and began advancing on her partner.

“In case you had already read the story, I had come prepared with a hard copy to point out exactly where the author was misinformed.” She edged around the console towards the paper shredder in the corner of the room. “I could not let you believe untruths regarding my character, as that might adversely affect our working relationship.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you,” Gremlin remarked. “You do realize that it’s not going to matter if you shred it, right? I could just go online and read it anyway.” She held out her hand.

Xericka paused. “I had hoped you would not think of that option.” She glanced down at the papers in her hands and sighed before handing them to her partner.

“There you go! Just like ripping off a Band-Aid!”

Xericka closed her eyes and began a silent count as her partner began skimming through the story. It was eight seconds before she heard the first chuckle. Ten seconds later, she heard Gremlin say ‘ah hah’ in a quietly lascivious tone. Xericka opened her eyes twenty seconds after that. The dark-haired agent was staring thoughtfully at her, a smile on her face.

“Well, well, well,” she remarked. “You shameless little flirt, you.”

“Everything you have read is completely untrue.”

“I don’t doubt it. You’re WAY too uptight to ever Luxury get as far as she did.” Gremlin leaned against the console and began scanning the text again. “I don’t suppose the next chapter’s been published?” she asked with just a hint of hope in her voice.

Xericka shook her head.

“Ah well. I take it people have been commenting?”

“Most have only been sniggering when they believe me to be out of earshot. There has also been winking, nudging, and one request to permit an audience to watch my next meeting with Luxury.” She cracked her knuckles. “The request was denied.”

Gremlin folded up the story and handed it back to her partner. “Speaking of which, have you even seen Luxury yet?” she asked.

“Not yet, but I am severely dreading the moment when I do.” The Nobody shuddered as she fed the story into the paper shredder.

BOW CHICKA BOW WOW

“Is the console mocking me?”

“Probably just a coincidence,” Gremlin remarked as she shut off the alarm. A story summary popped up on the monitor. “It’s not like it could actually understand or anything.”

“It would hardly surprise me if it could,” Xericka muttered. “Single-celled organisms could understand the contents of that story. Into which continuum are we being sent now?”

It was the dark-haired agent’s turn to shudder now. “Sonic the Hedgehog again, and it’s a nasty one.”

“I shall get the rubber gloves and disinfectant.”

* * *


Hello, welcome to my first fan-fic. Fair warning, this fan-fic will involve:

Sex, Yuri, Incest, masturbation, and sex toys.

Turn back if you don't like that. Or if your not old enough. (like THAT will stop you)


“Could you not have portaled us in PAST the author’s note?” Xericka shouted over the deafening text.

“Hey, don’t blame me!” Gremlin screamed back. “I thought I did!” She removed her hands from her ears as the note came to an end and a Generic Bedroom began to take shape around the two agents. A sleeping rabbit and chao materialized out of the aether.

Cream woke up one day and it was like any other day. She got out of bed and picked out her clothes, and saw that her pet chao, Cheese, was still sleeping. She walked into the kitchen and her mom Vanilla was making breakfast, Scrambled Eggs and Bacon.

Xericka looked over at Gremlin as the canon characters tucked into their breakfast. “I trust we will not have a repeat of that incident with the cookies?” she asked.

The dark-haired agent shrugged. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m staying well away from Generic Food from now on.”

“That is good to hear.”

“Besides, eggs give me wicked gas.”

Xericka sighed again. “I would be eternally grateful if you never mentioned your problems with flatulence again.”

“I make no promises!”

The scene shifted around the two agents. The décor took on a more mad-science tone, with beakers full of bubbling Generic Suspicious Liquid and arcing electricity. Tails was already there, mixing unknown substances in test tubes.

Gremlin gave her surrounds a quick once over as Cream came in with a can of soda. “This does not seem very Tails-ish to me,” she said. “I could see Eggman with a setup like this, but not Tails.”

“Indeed. His acumen is more aligned with mechanics rather than chemistry.”

"Oh, hey Cream. How are you?" He said without looking up from his chemicals. He mixed a few together and shook it till it turned a rather beautiful shade of red.

Xericka removed a CAD from inside her coat and pointed it at the multi-tailed fox as Cream went into the nearby bathroom.

[Miles “Tails” Prower. Fox. Canon. 67.4778% OOC.]

The CAD suddenly began vibrate ominously as Tails tipped his chemical concoction into Cream’s forgotten soda. Wisps of smoke curled up from the edges of the screen.

[Miles meals moles malses WARNING WARNING CHARACTER REPLACEMENT]

Gremlin pointed at the malfunctioning device. There were a few sparks before the machine went dead. “Don’t want an explosion giving us away,” she remarked. “Or, you know, blowing off your hands.”

“I appreciate the gesture,” Xericka said before returning the dead CAD to her coat. Meanwhile, Cream returned from the bathroom and collected her soda.

"So Cream, are you ready to go to the movies?" Tails asked. "Yeah! I hear it's scaaaaaarrrrrry!" Cream replied.

“It can’t be any scarier than what’s coming up soon,” Gremlin said as the rabbit and the fox!Stu left. “Speaking of which…” She began entering coordinates into the Remote Activator strapped to her wrist.

“I have never understood the tactic of taking one’s significant other to a horror film,” Xericka said.

“It’s a teenage boy thing. You take your date to a scary film so that they’ll hold on to you during the scary parts. Easy way to get body contact, maybe cop an ‘accidental’ feel.”

“I see. Would it not be better to go to a picture that both members of the relationship can enjoy? Perhaps something that engenders fruitful conversation topics for afterwards.”

The dark-haired agent sniggered as the portal opened up. “Yeah, right. The only thing you should be talking about after a movie date is whose place you should go back to for a little fun.”

“How very charming. It is a constant surprise to me that you are currently single.”

Gremlin gave several fake laughs before the two agents stepped through the portal back into Vanilla’s kitchen. Cream and her mother were already there, clearing up dinner.

“Cream appears to have consumed half of the bottle,” Xericka remarked.

“She hasn’t finished one soda over an entire day? I’ve heard of nursing your drink, but this bordering on the ridiculous.”

Cream left the kitchen, once again abandoning her soda. Not missing a beat, Vanilla picked it up and drained it.

it had a funny, sweet, taste to it. Maybe the factory was trying something new?

“Mmm, flat soda mixed with a horniness drug and little girl backwash,” Gremlin remarked. “I know there’s nothing I like more than that!”

Xericka opened her mouth to frame a witty response when the scene suddenly changed without warning. She lost her footing and stumbled forward. Fortunately, she managed to find something to grab on to so as to stabilize herself. Unfortunately, the Gods of Narrative Comedy had remembered her grousing about the Fanfic Land story and so decided to have a little fun with her predicament. What she grabbed… well, let us just say that the entire scene was not unlike what might have occurred in the fic itself, only without Luxury.

Both agents were silent as they quickly took stock of the situation. Xericka was the first to react, whipping her hands away from Gremlin’s chest. “I – I apologize for – I apologize most sincerely,” she said. “I did not intend to – I did not intend to do anything.”

Gremlin smiled. “Well, well, well. Perhaps you’re not as uptight as I thought.”

“It was an accident!”

“My first boyfriend said the same thing when we went to the movies on our second date.”

“I – that is to say – I…” Xericka ran her fingers through her hair. She looked slightly panicked, which was quite a departure from her normal expression of cool aloofness. “Gremlin. What can I do to rectify this situation?”

“Don’t worry about it, Xerry!” Gremlin said as she gave the Nobody a comforting pat on the shoulder. “What’s a little inadvertent groping between friends?”

“You – thank you for being so understanding, Gremlin.” Xericka smiled at her partner.

“Good. Now that’s settled, we can focus on – where’d Cream go?”

The bedroom was empty, apart from the two Slashers. Xericka unfocused her eyes as she peered into the Words. “We have fallen behind,” she said. “Cream has already gone into her mother’s bedroom to ask for help regarding her inability to masturbate properly. Vanilla has already fallen under the influence of Tails’ chemical and…” She shuddered slightly. “The situation does not improve from there.”

“Then what’re standing around here for? We’ve got creepy mother-daughter love to stop!” Gremlin reached into her jacket and pulled out a bulging sock. It gave off a few plastic clicking noises as she gave it an experimental swing. “I stuffed it full of Game Boy Advanced cartridges. That wraith won’t know what hit it!”

“We cannot exorcise them.”

The black-haired agent paused mid-swing. “What?”

“The errant sexual behavior of these two canon characters is not the work of an author-wraith. You saw it yourself. They are acting in this manner because of the drug slipped to them by the Replacement!Tails.”

“If we can’t exorcise anything, what are we supposed to do?”

“We need to get rid of the Stu first. Once that is complete, Vanilla and Cream must be incapacitated and taken to Medical for detoxification.”

Gremlin shook her head as she returned the sock to inside her jacket. “Really wanted to use this, too. It was such a good idea!”

“There is always our next mission.”

* * *


Xericka poked her head up from behind a desk and took a quick look around. “We have not been detected. Both Rouge and the replacement are preoccupied watching Vanilla and Cream on the monitor.”

“What’s Rouge doing here?”

"Why you naughty little fox boy!" Rouge said, "Is this the only reason you hired me to plant those cameras in her house? *sip*" she said as she took a drink from the coffee, thinking it needed more cream. (Heh)

“Hold up, don’t tell me!” Gremlin placed her hands on her forehead and made an overly dramatic pose. “I’m thinking that the mad little perv slipped something into Rouge’s coffee.”

"Heh, you teens will do anything to get some tail, won't you?" Rouge said. "Oh you should know. That wasn't cream in the blue box." Tails said.

“Hah!”

Xericka held up a warning hand to stop her partner in mid-gloat. “We must act now, before the two of them head into the bedroom. Quickly!”

The dark-haired agent smiled wickedly as she rolled up her sleeves. “Just step back and watch me work!” She stretched out her arms and closed her eyes. The hair on her head began to crackle with electricity.

BANG

The television monitor that had been showing the rabbit family in flagrante delicto exploded in a shower of sparks, startling Tails Stu and Rouge out of their kiss. Wires snaked out of the stricken machine and wrapped around the replacement like a hungry boa constrictor around a rat. Rouge shrieked and scrambled away.

Xericka stood up and glared at the struggling Stu. She was joined by Gremlin a moment later, who was straining with the effort of keeping the wires tight with electricity. “Mad Scientist!Tails, aka Tails Stu,” the Nobody said. “You have been charged with the following crimes against canon: replacing the canonical character of Miles Prower, causing three Sonic Universe characters to act in a way not in their canonical nature, incest by proxy, rape by proxy, possession of illegal substances, and tampering with foodstuffs. The sentence is terminal. Have you any last words?”

“You FOOLS!” The phony fox screamed. “You cannot interfere with SCIENCE!”

“A trooper to the end,” Gremlin said through gritted teeth. She tilted her head to the side and snapped her fingers. The lights in the lab momentarily flickered and went out as the air was filled with the smell of burning flesh and hair.

The blue-haired agent walked over to the smoking mound that had once been the Stu. “Excellent work, Gremlin. That appears to have done the trick.” She turned to look back at her partner, who was leaning against the wall trying to catch her breath. “Are you all right?”

“Huh, huh, huh… just peachy.”

A whimper drew Xericka’s attention to Rouge, who was cowering in the corner furthest from the agents. “She shall have to be taken for detoxification as well. I shall find the real Tails and handle the rabbits if you take her to Medical.”

Gremlin took a few more deep breaths. “You sure you don’t need me to stick around?”

“No. Besides, you are no doubt in need of a rest after exerting your powers to the extent that you just did.”

The dark-haired Slasher had a reluctant look on her face, but nodded anyway. “If you say so, Xerry.” She stumbled over to the shivering bat and pulled out a neuralyzer. “Just look right here, kid, and everything’ll be fine.”

Rouge wiped the tears out of her eyes just in time for the world to go white.

* * *


“It seems that I am incapable of taking you anywhere.”

Gremlin opened her eyes. She was lying in one of the medical bays, if the moaning of canonical characters all around her was any judge. Xericka was standing over her hospital bed, looking as solemn as ever. “Doctor Fitzgerald informed me that you tipped over one of the plants in the reception area and grabbed the posterior of a nurse before passing out,” she went on.

“Only one nurse? I must have been more out of it than I thought.” Gremlin sat up. “When did you get here?”

“A few minutes ago. I stopped Vanilla and Cream before there was any vaginal penetration.”

Gremlin snorted. “You’ve got the soul of a romantic.”

Xericka ignored the interruption. “Both they and Rouge should be back fully detoxified in ten minutes or so.”

“Where’d you find the real Tails? Oh, and sit down please. You look uncomfortable and that’s making me uncomfortable.”

The Nobody pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed. “There was a plot hole in the monitor you broke with your powers. He was trapped inside of it.”

“Sweet! I helped even when I wasn’t there!”

“Indeed.” Xericka shifted uncomfortably in her chair. “Gremlin, if I might address that accident during the mission—”

“I told you already, consider it forgotten!” The dark-haired agent paused. “Although, I suppose if you really want to make it up to me, I can think of a favor you can do.”

“I am listening.”

Gremlin leaned over the edge of the bed and whispered in her partner’s ear.

SMACK

“It was just a joke!” She called out to Xericka’s retreating back. “Kidding, kidding! C’mon, don’t go away mad! Xerry!” She rubbed the red mark on her face. “It isn’t nice to hit an invalid, you know!”
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