vgdivision: (logic fail)
[personal profile] vgdivision
(Disclaimer: The original concept of the PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia. “The End” ( belongs to Soundwave_0107. The Teen Titans cartoon show belongs to DC and Cartoon Network. Xericka and Gremlin belong to me. Thanks to doctorlit for the beta. The following story contains violence, bad language, and non-con secks.)

Xericka stared at the door leading into her Response Center. It was an unremarkable thing, similar to most of the other doors scattered throughout headquarters. Same old, same old. Well, apart from the doorknob that had not been there when she had left for lunch an hour ago. That was a little different.

There was a necktie hanging from it.

She looked around, just in case she had become lost and walked up to the incorrect RC. No, there were the burn marks on the wall from when their neighbor’s fondue maker had gone awry. This was her RC.

Xericka had been working as a PPC agent for long enough now to no longer be considered a rookie. She had both been there and done that. She had plenty of personal stories with which to frighten wet-behind-the-ears trainees, although to actually perform such an unproductive act would be beneath her. There were far easier ways to keep entertained. The point, however, was that she had them. In other words, she was no stranger to odd occurrences.

This was far beyond a normal odd occurrence. This was… was…

The Nobody furrowed her brow. I may have to create a new word just to describe how bizarre this is, she thought as she reached down to physically inspect the knob.

It came off in her hand.

She peered at the now doorless handle in her hand. The whole thing – apart from the necktie – was made of a silver-colored plastic. A closer examination revealed two large suction cups on the back.

“This makes no sense,” Xericka muttered aloud to herself as she knocked on the door.

After a few seconds, the door slid open. Gremlin stood in the opening, shaking her head. “Don’t you know what a tie on the doorknob means?” she asked a touch huffily.

“No, I do not. I am more curious as to the doorknob itself, which I assume you had a hand in placing on our RC.”

The metahuman deflated a little. “You really don’t know?”

“No. Is the tie significant of something? Are you doing your laundry?” Xericka’s eyebrows narrowed. “Actually, I do not believe I have ever seen you wear a tie.”

Gremlin took the phony doorknob from her partner and ushered her into the response center. “It’s sexile.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“The tie is used as a signal between roommates.” She slumped across the couch. “You put the tie on the doorknob to indicate when you’ve picked someone up and need a little privacy. The roommate on the outs is forced to sleep in the hall. Sex plus exile. Sexile!”

Xericka’s eyes darted towards the bunkroom. “You have a sexual partner here? Right now?” She took a few steps back towards the door.

“Chill out, Xer. A friend of mine in the Bad Roleplay Department made the fake doorknob. He wants to sell ‘em to other PPC agents. I was just testing out how effective it was for him.” She rolled her eyes. “He failed to take into account that not everyone who works in the PPC is familiar with the notion of being sexiled.”

“First, stop using that word. Second, what were you doing if there was no one else here?”

“Taking a nap on the love seat. I know you wouldn’t have woken me up, but I’ve noticed that whenever we’re in this room together—”


“—that happens.” She carefully waved her hand to cut off the blaring music. “I think our console’s messing with us.”

“Such a development would not surprise me,” the Nobody remarked as she investigated the new mission report. “You said you were originally from the DC universe, correct?”

Gremlin tensed up. “Aw, nutbunnies. We’ve got a mission there, don’t we?”

“In a sense. This particular case is from the Teen Titans animated cartoon.”

“Oh.” She shivered. The Teen Titans cartoonverse may have been just a spin-off of the main DC continuity, but it was close enough to give her the willies.

Xericka went on. “It concerns Starfire and…” She squinted at the screen. “Starfire.”

“She’s slashed with herself?” There was a beat. “Kinky.”

Xericka shook her head as she pressed a few final buttons on the console. “You disturb me on a level I did not think was possible.” She crossed over to a shelf of DVDs and pulled down a few Teen Titans box sets, which vanished into the darkness with a flick of her wrists.

Gremlin sat up and stretched as the portal appeared in the middle of the RC. “What, you’ve never thought about what you might do if you met a copy of yourself? Stop looking at me like that.”

“I never considered you to be a narcissist, particularly in the traditional sense.”

“I’m not! It’s just a funny thing to think about, you know?”

The two Slashers stepped through the portal into a ruined cityscape. The sky had been burnt red. Streams of magma zigzagged through the landscape. “This is not how I pictured the Teen Titans universe,” Xericka said. “I was under the impression that it was full of colorful anime-inspired visuals. The color palate of this place seems rather limited.”

Gremlin snapped her fingers in realization. “This is from the Trigon the Terrible arc!” she exclaimed. “Right, yeah! Robin’s off rescuing Raven from the Underworld while Starfire, Cyborg and Beast Boy are trying to distract Trigon.”




The metahuman rubbed her chin in thought. “That means that Starfire has been paired with her shadow self! Okay, that makes a lot more sense. Not much, but I can follow along now.”

Xericka frowned. She was feeling more and more out of her depth. “Shadow self?”

“A demonic manifestation of her evil thoughts.”

There was a loud thump from nearby, like something had just collided with the ground at a very high rate of speed. The two agents peered around the side of a large pile of rubble. A black-and-white copy of Starfire with glowing red eyes was towering over her more accurately-colored original.

"Get up again. It amuses me."
That voice. So much like hers, exactly like hers, yet it was nothing more then a shadow of her voice. A cruel mockery, that literally mocked her.

“Something confuses me,” Xericka said.

“Tell me about it,” Gremlin responded as the Teen Titan clambered back to her feet to engage her dark side in combat once again. “That line! ‘A cruel mockery that literally mocked her?’ Talk about ridiculous.”

The Nobody shook her head. “I was referring to what you said before about meeting a copy of yourself. When would such a situation ever come up that you would need to create a plan for it?”

The dark-haired teen stared at her partner for a moment. “I was about to ask if you were kidding, but then I remembered that you don’t do that.” She sighed. “It’s just a bit of randomness, you know? Something to think about while you’re trying to get back to sleep at three in the morning.”

“I see.”

The agents fell silent as Starfire was knocked through a building. “Aren’t you going to ask?” Gremlin eventually said.

“Pardon me?”

“About what I would do if I met a copy of myself.”

“I feel that I have gotten to know you well enough to make an accurate guess as to what action you would take in such a situation.”

Gremlin smiled. “And what, exactly, do you think I would do?”

Xericka shot her partner a glance. “You know what? Forget that I revived this topic. We should be focusing on the mission at this point in time.” Right on cue, Starfire tumbled across the shattered landscape right in front of them. She struggled to get back to her feet as the NegaStarfire cackled and gloated about how weak she was.

“Whatever you say.”

"You know what? Forget Robin." She purred, drawing out her words to emphasize her newest plan of attack. "I'd much rather have you."
The ultimate torture for her prey. Delicious.

“Hmm. For what purpose were these evil manifestations created?” Xericka asked.

Gremlin had been chuckling to herself before Xericka had posed her question. The erroneous period in the second sentence had caused NegaStarfire to begin literally purring. “To destroy the Titans, I suppose,” she responded.

“Then her actions from this point forward are without proper reasoning. She should be delivering a killing blow at this moment, not contemplating rape. Torture of any sort would be antithetical to the desired outcome.”

“That’s… a little cold, Xerry.”

Xericka shrugged. “I am merely pointing out what should be obvious. The most logical thing—”

“Ah ah!” Gremlin waggled her index finger in her partner’s face. “No applying logic to badfics! Only bad things happen when you do that.”

Starfire had barely time to fathom what her enemy said, fathom anything, before ashen arms wrapped around her torso with all the tenderness of a lover and cold grey lips pressed against hers.

The metahuman tilted her head to the side and squinted. “You know,” she remarked, “if you think about that sentence a little bit, it almost sounds like Star’s kissing a corpse.”

Xericka made a small, strangled noise deep in her throat. “Sometimes I wish I had the capacity for actual emotions simply so I could loathe you with every fiber of my non-being and actually mean it.”

“Aw, come on. You know you love me!” Gremlin gave her partner a playful poke in the ribs.

“That would be impossible.”

“What about ‘you know you’d love me if you could?’ Or maybe ‘you know you’re slightly fond of me?’ ” She smiled as the blue-haired agent rubbed her temples and sighed.

The demon's lips were cold, burnt like ice, yet blazed with fiery heat, and they pressed against her roughly, the Tamaranean letting out a horrified whimper as the clone's arm pressed their bodies tighter together.

“Another run-on sentence attempting to perform the function of an entire paragraph,” Xericka said. “There seems to be a physical impossibility occurring within the dark Starfire’s mouth. Something cannot be cold and yet simultaneously ‘blaze with a fiery heat’ without some sort of explosive reaction.”

Gremlin nudged the Nobody. “The exploding comes later, if you get my drift.”

“Hmm. I assume you are referring to the moment of orgasm. A most amusing double entendre.”

“I can never tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.”

She was hurting too much, was too tired, too beaten, to resist her foe. She couldn't. She was helpless.
She couldn't even resist.

Xericka waved her hand, summoning up a small spinning vortex of pure darkness. She reached into it and pulled out a CAD.

“I had no idea you could do that,” Gremlin remarked as the Nobody pointed the device at the normal Starfire.

“It is merely a pocket shadow dimension. Members of Organization XIII use it to store their weapons when not in use. I have decided to use it for storing bits of equipment.”

“So that’s what you did with the DVDs.”

“Indeed.” The CAD began to whine and squeal in her hand. A few wisps of blue smoke began to leak out of the screen.

[Starfire. Female Tamaranean. 89.4% OOC. REPENT! REPENT! CHARACTERRUPTUREISNIGH!]

The dark-haired teen nodded as Xericka returned the sizzling CAD to the darkness from whence it came. “That’s pretty much what I figured. No way Starfire would take something like this lying down. This was the girl who busted out of the hold of an enemy ship with her hands bound and with no access to her starbolts, after all!”


“Force beams.”

“Ah.” Xericka glanced back around their cover. The dark Starfire was blackmailing her better half into willingly accepting her fate. “The weakening of a canonically strong female character seems to be a distressingly common occurrence in badfic.”

Gremlin shrugged in a ‘what can you do’ kind of way. “A lot of people don’t find tough girls that sexy. They gotta chick ‘em up a little before they can fit into the traditional coupling fantasy.”

"Good girl." Her clone purred, stroking at Starfire's curves passionately, her mouth moving down to the exposed neck. "Good girl..."

“Again with the purring!” Gremlin exclaimed. “I know Tamaraneans have a few cat-like characteristics, but this is going a bit too far.”

The Nobody began counting on her fingers. “Girl on girl, narcissism, rape, necrophilia, and now bestiality. Perhaps this fic is attempting to win some sort of award for the most fetishes in a single chapter.”

“And me without my Bad Slash Bingo card.”

“What do you win in a game of Bad Slash Bingo?”

“Sympathy.” Gremlin looked back towards the two Tamaraneans. NegaStarfire’s routine had not changed that much: a little taunting, a little groping, a little nuzzling, and repeat. “Well, this is starting to get monotonous. What say we exorcise these two and –”

"Would you imagine the lustful thoughts you've ever had about your little friends, other then Robin?" Her clone purred, licking at the soaked cheeks, tasting the salty tears with amusement.

“—wait, what?”

Xericka concentrated on the Words unraveling in front of her. “Apparently,” she said, “the original Starfire has lusted after all of her fellow Teen Titans in some fashion.”

“What, even Cyborg?” The metahuman joined her partner in looking at the Words.

“I did say all of her fellow Titans.”

Gremlin rolled her eyes. “Cyborg usually gets completely ignored in stories like this. He’s a lot like Xaldin or Lexaeus in that regard.”

“Ah.” The blue-haired agent pointed at one particular section. “See for yourself.”

"And Cyborg. You are most terribly curious on how he performs the making of love. Perhaps he has many gadgets and wires, all designed to make you scream in awe and wonder-"

Gremlin sniggered. “Cyborg the walking vibrator. Chalk up another fetish for this chapter.”

“That is nothing. The fragment delving into her fantasies regarding Beast Boy is particularly memorable in regards to how his ability could be perverted.” Xericka paused. “I may need that flask of Bleepka you always carry.”

Gremlin passed over her flask as she read the section in question. “Wow,” she eventually said. “Yeesh. ‘Even a mere spider?’ There’s an image I never wanted to consider.” Her face twisted in discomfort as she read onward. “Ho. Lee. Crap. Read the part about Raven and tell me it’s not twisted.”

Perhaps you perform the annoying of her, the loving of her, in hopes that she unleashes her demonic heritage and claims you, makes you scream in pleasure as her demonic power ravages you, makes you hers. It is what all demons have: A desire to mate with powerful females, make them bear spawn.

“You know,” the metahuman went on to say, “there are quite a few demons working in the PPC. I wonder—”

She stopped. There was a hand gently squeezing her throat. “Please do not finish that thought,” Xericka said. “Ever. Do I make myself absolutely clear?”

Gremlin nodded.

“Good.” Xericka released her partner before completely draining the flask of Bleepka. “I think ending this badfic now, before any further horrifying images brand themselves into my brain, would be for the best.”

“No kidding. Man, you’ve got one hell of a grip. Wait! I wasn’t making a sexual joke! Don’t choke me again!”

The Nobody shot her partner a warning glance as she summoned two DVD box sets out of the darkness. “On the count of three. One… two… three!”

The Starfires were too preoccupied with each other to notice the two teenagers rounding a large chunk of debris and charging at them. They were not too preoccupied to notice being pummeled with plastic DVD cases, but by then there was nothing they could really do in terms of self-defense.

“I cast you out, spirit of rapefic!” Xericka chanted. The corner of her DVD caught NegaStarfire right underneath the eye. “I banish you, unexplained sexual perversion! I banish you, physical impossibilities! In the name of Glen Murakami and Cartoon Network, we will drive you from these canonical characters!”

Twin streams of spectral energy emerged from both Starfires and coalesced into a single form. Xericka tossed Gremlin’s flask through it before it could raise any protest.

“Hey! Not cool, Xerry!” the metahuman cried out.

“My apologies, but you must admit that your behavior deserved some sort of punishment. Besides it was the only thing I had on hand besides my DVD.” Xericka pulled a neuralyzer out of the darkness and flashed the two stunned Tamaraneans as Gremlin chased after her wayward container. “Starfire, also known as Koriand’r,” the Nobody said as she fixed the alien’s clothing. “You were not just raped by the physical manifestation of your evil thoughts. You do not have sexual fantasies about any of your fellow Teen Titans.” She hesitated. “Except possibly Robin.”

She turned towards the other girl. “Physical manifestation of Starfire’s evil side—”

“Catchy,” Gremlin said from behind the Nobody. She polished her flask on her sleeve before tucking it back into her jacket.

“—you did not just rape Starfire, nor do you have any desire to do so. Your mission is to try and destroy her.”

There was a momentary pause as the memories of both girls were returned to their canonical leanings. Then, with simultaneous cries, they leapt at each other to begin combat again in earnest.

Xericka turned towards her partner. “I believe our business here is concluded.”

“Sounds good to me.” Gremlin stretched as the Nobody opened up a portal back to the response center. “I never did get to finish my nap.”

The two agents stepped through the portal. Xericka reached down and picked up the discarded phony doorknob.

“I am reminded of a question I wanted to ask you before,” she said.

The metahuman sighed. “No, Xerry. I would not have sex with an alternate or clone version of myself if given the chance. I might think about trying for a threesome if there was a willing non-me third party, but otherwise I’d just be too bored.” She smiled a bit sheepishly. “I know all my own tricks too well.”

There was a momentary moment of quiet, which was broken when Xericka cleared her throat. “I merely wanted to know from where you acquired this tie.”
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October 2016

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