![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vgdivision(Disclaimer: Both the PPC and Agent Luxury belong to Jay and Acacia. ”Tied and Helpless” (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5630040/1/Tied_and_Helpless) belongs to manmonkey6. Tails, Rouge, and Sonic the Hedgehog belong to Sonic Team. Xericka and the new agent brought in at the end belong to me. The following story contains surprise secks, waterworks, and scenes of extreme violence. Big time NSFW.)
Agent Xericka of the Bad Slash division was annoyed.
Well, sort of. As a Nobody, she couldn’t actually feel emotions. She could act as if she did so as to blend with the public, but it wasn’t the same thing as actually experiencing them first hand. That being said, if she were capable of actually feeling annoyed she would be doing so now. She looked up at the clock hanging on the wall of her RC. The Queen Anne’s Lace had told her to expect her new partner seventeen minutes ago. “This is unacceptable,” she said aloud.
“What is?”
Xericka had to restrain herself from wincing. She recognized the voice coming from the doorway. Once one encountered the agent to whom the voice belonged, it was hard to forget. “Hello, Agent Luxury,” she said wearily. “I was just bemoaning my new partner’s lateness. A good agent should always be punctual.”
“Any idea who your partner’s supposed to be?” Luxury asked innocently.
The Nobody shrugged. “The Lace saw fit not to give me any details about this person.”
“I know who it is! I’ll give you three hints: she’s a Bad Slash veteran, you know her quite well but not as well as she’d like, and she enjoys strip checkers and vanilla-scented bath oil.”
It only took Xericka about a half-second to make a horrifying intellectual leap. “You mean—” she said.
“Yep! It’s me!” Lux dashed into the room and grabbed Xericka in a bear hug before she could run away and hide. “This is going to be so much fun!” she cheered.
“You really are my partner?” Xericka murmured in a daze.
“Just temporarily. The Lace thought you could use a guide to start off with. You know, an experienced hand to show you the basics of Bad Slash! Something like that, anyway.”
“Speaking of hands, would you please remove yours from inside my coat?”
Lux reluctantly extracted herself from the other agent’s person just as the console began to wail. They both gathered around the screen and began skimming the text.
“Ah hah. The Sonic the Hedgehog continuum,” Xericka said. She raised an eyebrow. “Rouge and Tails? I was under the impression that there was at least a ten year age difference between the two characters. ”
“Mmm… the experienced woman taking advantage of the young naïf so as to train him or her in the ways of physical love,” Lux said with a suggestive smile. “A classic. Great bedtime reading.”
“Tell me, Luxury. Did the Lace say anything about being angry with me?”
The blonde agent shook her head. “No, nothing like that.”
“How peculiar.”
* * *
"Now Tails, are you sure you're going to be alright here by yourself?" Sonic Asked his Friend Tails, he was going on a date tonight and he had to leave Tails alone for the night.
“This is hardly a promising start,” Xericka said. She and Lux were crouching outside Sonic’s house, peering in through one of the windows at Sonic and Tails. “That sentence is not up to the standards of proper grammar."
“You know, Xerry,” Lux said. “We don’t have to be outside for this. The SEP field hides us from the canon characters. Heck, we could sit right next to them and they wouldn’t even notice.”
“I would prefer that there be some obvious layer between myself and the badfic. Getting up close would not help our mission in any obvious way. And do not call me Xerry.”
Lux smiled. “So this isn’t just an excuse to get some alone time with me?” she asked, shifting closer to the Nobody.
“On second thought,” Xericka said quickly, “getting inside the house itself could serve to be advantageous once we begin the exorcism. Less ground to cover and other benefits that do not spring to mind at the moment.” The two agents slipped inside the house as quietly as possible, Xericka making sure to keep as much distance between her and Lux as possible.
"Why are you going on a date with Amy Rose, I thought you hated her?
"Well since she likes me I figured that I'll go on a date with her to make her happy, this DOESN'T mean that I like her (talking to you sonamy fans)"
Xericka frowned. “That argument makes no sense,” she said. “If Sonic did not like her, then why would he care if she is happy or not? The rational decision would be for Sonic to explain to Amy Rose his distaste for her and spare her future disappointment.”
“If he did that, he’d have no reason to leave the house,” Lux said. “The badfic wouldn’t work if Sonic thought logically.” She smiled again. “Besides, romance isn’t logical! It’s all pheromones and nerves and sweat and fumbling in the dark.”
“You do not strike me as the kind of person who would know about romance, Luxury. Lust, yes, but not actual love.” Lux stuck her tongue out at the Nobody.
They watched as Sonic sped away in a cloud of dust towards his date. Tails settled back onto the couch and started watching TV. Luxury nudged Xericka and pointed towards the window they had been watching through before.
“There’s the other half of our sordid little tale,” she whispered.
But unbeknownst to Tails and Sonic, a white bat was listening to their every word, she was known as Rouge the Bat and she thought of this as a perfect opportunity to have some "fun" with Tails who was all alone in the house with no one to protect him.
“Except us!” Lux said. “Sort of. Depends on when we have enough to charge the Author wraith.”
A knock came at the door. "I'll get it" said tails to no one in particular as he opened the door he was VERY surprised to see Rouge standing their
“Why would Tails announce what he is doing to an empty room? It would be sound to assume that he would answer the door as he is the only person in the house!” The Nobody scowled. “The illogical nature of this fic is affecting my ability to think with a cool head.”
“Just wait ‘till we get to the sex!” her partner said cheerfully.
“I can barely contain my anticipation.”
"Is it alright if I come in?
"Why?" Tails asked
Luxury grinned – an expression which could clear the halls back at Headquarters in three seconds. “Please say delivering a pizza, please say delivering a pizza…” she said.
"Oh it's the jewel collecting and all that which makes a woman very tired I just want to rest until I can get back on my feet.
“Drat.” She glanced over at Xericka, who was giving her an odd look. “What can I say? I’m a fan of the classics.”
“I was under the impression that Tails was something of a prodigy,” Xericka said as he let Rouge in and scurried off to go get her a glass of water. “His skill with machines is unparalleled. His intelligence is supposedly comparable to that of Dr. Eggman's. And yet,” she went on as he returned with the bat’s drink, “he does not notice that Rouge has pulled the phone cord out of the wall and dropped his cell phone into the trash.”
“Just because someone’s off the charts in one field doesn’t mean they’re omni-capable,” Lux replied. “I mean, look at Eggman. If intelligence were everything, he’d beaten Sonic by now.”
Xericka’s irritation deflated a little. “I have to admit that does make sense.” Rouge sent the little fox away for chips before flying above the door to the kitchen to set a trap. “It still bothers me, but it makes sense,” she said.
She waited until Tails came walking though the doorway, Tails looked around but didn't see Rouge, he was about to sit on the couch before Rouge who was Bigger that tails jumped him from behind by surprise, she grabbed him and dragged him into a room marked Sonic.
The two Bad Slashers crept to the doorway through which Tails had been dragged and peered around the corner. Lux waggled her eyebrows. “You want to go inside and watch?” she said.
“I would prefer to set myself on fire and dance in a shack filled with dynamite. The Words will suffice.”
“Suit yourself.” Lux continued to peek into the other room while Xericka focused her thoughts on the text.
She covered Tails by the mouth so he wouldn't scream, Rouge then proceeded to tie Tails' arms to the bed, because she was bigger than him it was easy for her to do that, she then put a gag over tails' mouth and sat on top of his little helpless body.
“You really should be seeing this up close, Xerry,” Lux protested. “Besides, you’ll probably enjoy it! I’m guessing bondage is your sort of kink, anyway.”
There was an extended period of silence, punctuated only by Tail’s muffled groans from the other room. “What.”
“All black clothing with silver chain decorations?” Lux playfully batted one of the beads hanging from the hood of Xericka’s coat. “That just screams ‘whips and paddles’ to me.”
“This coat is standard for all members of Organization XIII,” Xericka said through gritted teeth.
“And I’ve heard all about those guys. Must’ve been some wild parties back in the Castle That Never Was, am I right?”
Xericka pinched the bridge of her nose and tried to tamp down her growing inclination to throw Luxury under a bus. In the other room, things were beginning to get heated.
Tails didn't want to do this so he screamed out. "STOP LICKING MY DICK!"
Luxury snorted. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard someone say that,” she said. Xericka shot her another curious glance. “Hey, despite what you may think, I get what ‘no’ means. If somebody doesn’t want to go all the way, then I respect that.”
“People tell you ‘no’ all the time. It does not seem to stop your behavior.”
“Yeah, but I limit it to harmless stuff. A goosing here, a glomping there. I’m just showing how much I like you! If I did anything really bad, the Flowers’d have me out of here in a heartbeat.”
"IT'S CALLED A COCK, A COCK! NOT A DICK OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT IT'S CALLED A COCK GOT THAT? A COCK!"
“I believe both terms are acceptable euphemisms for male genitalia,” Xericka said.
“Along with pecker, prick, dork, schlong, willie, John Thomas, one-eyed yogurt slinger—”
“Thank you, Luxury. That will suffice.”
* * *
Five minutes had passed. Xericka eased a crick out of her neck and blew a strand of errant blue hair out of her face. “Are they still going?” she said.
Luxury peeked back through the open door. “Yep,” she replied. “Who would have thought blowjobs could become so boring? Wait. Hang on… there he goes!”
“Finally. May we end this atrocity now?”
The blonde agent shook her head. “We’ve still got a chapter and a half to go.”
Then there was a grumbling sound and Rouge looked at her stomach, she then proceeded to kneel above Tails' head.
"Wha-what are you doing?" Tails asked.
"I need to take a piss," Said Rouge.
“What?” Xericka consulted the Remote Activator with a scowl. “There was no warning of urolagnia in the story summary. Some indication that there would be kink play would have been appreciated.”
Luxury winced as the scene unfolded. “Yeesh, right in the eyes! That’s gonna sting in the morning!”
“That is not even mentioning the possibility of infection caused by the transmission of bacteria from the urethra to the eyes.” Now it was Luxury’s turn to look at Xericka funny. The Nobody shrugged. “I read through a few anatomy textbooks before becoming an agent to better identify poor biology. What are they doing now?”
“Let’s see… Ah hah! Rouge is breaking out the whipped cream.” Lux smiled faintly. “Ah, whipped cream. The stories I could tell you, Xerry.”
“Please do not bother yourself on my part. And do not call me Xerry.”
“You’ve got to work fast with that stuff, though.” Lux, lost in the Valley of Sexual Nostalgia, apparently hadn’t heard her. “Wait too long with that stuff on your body and you end up sticking to everything for the next week.” She laughed. “I must’ve waited for two hours wearing nothing but a whipped cream bikini for this one DOGA agent—”
Xericka placed her hands over her ears and began humming ‘Simple and Clean’ as loud as she could. After about fifteen seconds, she removed her hands and looked over at Lux. The blonde agent was silent, but was wearing a grin that would put the Cheshire Cat to shame.
“What?” Xericka said.
“I have to admit, you never struck me as a J-Pop type of girl. I pictured you as more into moody orchestral pieces.”
“It is a side effect of being from a Square Enix continuum. We are practically saturated by the genre.”
“So if I said I had several Ayumi Hamasaki albums back in my RC…”
“It would not change my mind one iota.”
Lux shrugged. ‘It was worth a shot.” She peeked into the room again. “Let’s see where they’re at now…”
Then Rouge did something REALLY painful, she bit Tails' member so hard it was like a bear trap.
Both agents recoiled from the door in horror. “Ow ow ow ow OW!” Lux whimpered as she sympathetically placed her hands over her own crotch. “There is nothing wrong with a playful nip or two, but… OW!”
Xericka had gone ever paler than she normally was. “ ‘Like a bear trap?’ Please tell me that she did not bite it off.”
“No, it’s still attached.”
“A small mercy. He shall still need to visit Doctor Fitzgerald to repair the damage of the bite.” She pinched the bridge of her nose again. “Please tell me that we are nearing the end of this travesty.”
Lux’s eyes unfocused as she consulted the Words. “I think it’s a good time to move,” she said after a few moments. “Especially if we want to minimize the amount of time Tails spends in Medical.”
“It would be quite foolish of me to ask, I am sure, but what happens next?”
“Well, Rouge takes a strap-on and—”
“I can guess as to what happens next, thank you.”
* * *
Rouge was walking towards Tails; she climbed on him and kneeled on him.
"I told you you were going to return the favor, now open up."
There was blur of movement and the pressure on his chest was suddenly lifted. Tails lifted his head to see a blonde woman straddling a stunned-looking Rouge. She was beating the white bat around the head with what appeared to a video game jewel case. He opened his mouth to say something when a chunk of plastic connected with his own head.
“I cast you out, spirit of bad rape!fic!” Xericka yelled as she battered the fox with a copy of Sonic Unleashed. “I cast you out, genital mutilation! I cast you out, OOCness! In the name of Sonic Team! In the name of Sega! YOU ARE BANISHED FROM THIS PLACE!”
The wispy form of the Author-wraith spilled from the noses and mouth of the two reeling characters. “I thought this would be like Rouge's character!” it whined.
“To use the vernacular: bullshit.” Xericka winged the video game through the Author-wraith, which dissolved with a shriek.
The Nobody looked down at the young fox tied to the bed. “Tails has fallen unconscious,” she said she untied him as quickly as possible. “I will take him to Doctor Fitzgerald immediately. Luxury, can you – get off her!”
Luxury pouted as she clambered off of Rouge. The bat still looked stunned, although traces of horror were slowly creeping into her expression as the last few traces of the wraith faded.
Xericka sighed. “Perhaps you should take Tails to Medical instead. I shall remain here and neuralyze Rouge and Sonic. He should be returning soon.”
“Okay!” Lux opened up a portal and carried Tails through.
The Nobody walked over to where Rouge was curled up in the fetal position. “Rouge.” She flashed the neuralyzer just as the tear-streaked bat looked up. “You did not just rape Miles ‘Tails’ Prower, nor did you inflict any sort of bodily injury on him. You are here because Sonic bribed you to watch Tails while he went on a date with Amy Rose. We were never here. Now get dressed.”
“Okay.” She picked up her discarded body suit.
Xericka glanced over at the urine stains at Sonic’s bed. “Also, you are going to wash these bedsheets as a favor to Sonic.”
“Okay.”
* * *
“Miss me, sweet-no-heart?” Luxury said cheerfully as she portalled back into Sonic’s living room. Tails was sleeping peacefully in her arms.
“Not particularly.” Xericka gestured towards the couch, where Sonic and Rouge were bearing the blank expressions of the recently neuralyzed. “They have both been taken care of. What is the prognosis for Tails?”
“You know Doc Fitzgerald. A little complaining followed by a little medicine. Tails is as good as new, with no memory of the rape to boot!” She laid him down on the couch next to the two canon characters.
“Then we may finally leave this continuum?”
“Yep!” Lux wrapped her arms around the Nobody’s waist. “Now it’s back to my RC for whipped cream and J-pop!”
“I am afraid I must pass.” She took the Remote Activator from Lux and opened a portal back to her own RC.
“Ah, back to your own place? You saucy little thing, you!” She nipped at Xericka’s ear.
“Enough.” She pulled herself out of the blonde agent’s grip.
“Can’t blame a girl for trying,” Lux said as the two agents returned to the grey drabness of the RC.
Xericka opened her mouth to frame a new retort when she suddenly tripped on something. One second later, she was enjoying a new and much closer view of the floor.
“Ooh, that looked like it hurt,” Lux said.
“Your powers of deduction are astounding to behold.” The Nobody looked towards her feet and saw the shoulder strap of a large black duffel bag wrapped around them. “That was not there before.”
“Hey, looks like someone does live here! Coulda fooled me. This place’s got nothing going for it,” said a brand new voice.
Xericka shifted her view towards the doorway to the bunkroom. There was a black-haired teenage girl standing there with a cocky grin on her face. She was wearing black shorts and a purple tank top, which was cut high enough to reveal twin crimson lighting bolt tattoos on either side of her navel.
“You must be my new partner,” the newcomer said.
“I’ll leave you two to get acquainted,” Luxury said. She leaned down and whispered in Xericka’s ear. “The offer still stands, Xerry, if you ever change your mind.” She then winked and skipped out.
“Nice meeting you,” the girl called after the blonde agent. She then refocused her attention on the floor-bound girl. “Xericka, right? Name’s Gremlin. You seen my duffel bag anywhere?”
Agent Xericka of the Bad Slash division came to the realization that she was probably going to be acting very annoyed for the foreseeable future.
Agent Xericka of the Bad Slash division was annoyed.
Well, sort of. As a Nobody, she couldn’t actually feel emotions. She could act as if she did so as to blend with the public, but it wasn’t the same thing as actually experiencing them first hand. That being said, if she were capable of actually feeling annoyed she would be doing so now. She looked up at the clock hanging on the wall of her RC. The Queen Anne’s Lace had told her to expect her new partner seventeen minutes ago. “This is unacceptable,” she said aloud.
“What is?”
Xericka had to restrain herself from wincing. She recognized the voice coming from the doorway. Once one encountered the agent to whom the voice belonged, it was hard to forget. “Hello, Agent Luxury,” she said wearily. “I was just bemoaning my new partner’s lateness. A good agent should always be punctual.”
“Any idea who your partner’s supposed to be?” Luxury asked innocently.
The Nobody shrugged. “The Lace saw fit not to give me any details about this person.”
“I know who it is! I’ll give you three hints: she’s a Bad Slash veteran, you know her quite well but not as well as she’d like, and she enjoys strip checkers and vanilla-scented bath oil.”
It only took Xericka about a half-second to make a horrifying intellectual leap. “You mean—” she said.
“Yep! It’s me!” Lux dashed into the room and grabbed Xericka in a bear hug before she could run away and hide. “This is going to be so much fun!” she cheered.
“You really are my partner?” Xericka murmured in a daze.
“Just temporarily. The Lace thought you could use a guide to start off with. You know, an experienced hand to show you the basics of Bad Slash! Something like that, anyway.”
“Speaking of hands, would you please remove yours from inside my coat?”
Lux reluctantly extracted herself from the other agent’s person just as the console began to wail. They both gathered around the screen and began skimming the text.
“Ah hah. The Sonic the Hedgehog continuum,” Xericka said. She raised an eyebrow. “Rouge and Tails? I was under the impression that there was at least a ten year age difference between the two characters. ”
“Mmm… the experienced woman taking advantage of the young naïf so as to train him or her in the ways of physical love,” Lux said with a suggestive smile. “A classic. Great bedtime reading.”
“Tell me, Luxury. Did the Lace say anything about being angry with me?”
The blonde agent shook her head. “No, nothing like that.”
“How peculiar.”
"Now Tails, are you sure you're going to be alright here by yourself?" Sonic Asked his Friend Tails, he was going on a date tonight and he had to leave Tails alone for the night.
“This is hardly a promising start,” Xericka said. She and Lux were crouching outside Sonic’s house, peering in through one of the windows at Sonic and Tails. “That sentence is not up to the standards of proper grammar."
“You know, Xerry,” Lux said. “We don’t have to be outside for this. The SEP field hides us from the canon characters. Heck, we could sit right next to them and they wouldn’t even notice.”
“I would prefer that there be some obvious layer between myself and the badfic. Getting up close would not help our mission in any obvious way. And do not call me Xerry.”
Lux smiled. “So this isn’t just an excuse to get some alone time with me?” she asked, shifting closer to the Nobody.
“On second thought,” Xericka said quickly, “getting inside the house itself could serve to be advantageous once we begin the exorcism. Less ground to cover and other benefits that do not spring to mind at the moment.” The two agents slipped inside the house as quietly as possible, Xericka making sure to keep as much distance between her and Lux as possible.
"Why are you going on a date with Amy Rose, I thought you hated her?
"Well since she likes me I figured that I'll go on a date with her to make her happy, this DOESN'T mean that I like her (talking to you sonamy fans)"
Xericka frowned. “That argument makes no sense,” she said. “If Sonic did not like her, then why would he care if she is happy or not? The rational decision would be for Sonic to explain to Amy Rose his distaste for her and spare her future disappointment.”
“If he did that, he’d have no reason to leave the house,” Lux said. “The badfic wouldn’t work if Sonic thought logically.” She smiled again. “Besides, romance isn’t logical! It’s all pheromones and nerves and sweat and fumbling in the dark.”
“You do not strike me as the kind of person who would know about romance, Luxury. Lust, yes, but not actual love.” Lux stuck her tongue out at the Nobody.
They watched as Sonic sped away in a cloud of dust towards his date. Tails settled back onto the couch and started watching TV. Luxury nudged Xericka and pointed towards the window they had been watching through before.
“There’s the other half of our sordid little tale,” she whispered.
But unbeknownst to Tails and Sonic, a white bat was listening to their every word, she was known as Rouge the Bat and she thought of this as a perfect opportunity to have some "fun" with Tails who was all alone in the house with no one to protect him.
“Except us!” Lux said. “Sort of. Depends on when we have enough to charge the Author wraith.”
A knock came at the door. "I'll get it" said tails to no one in particular as he opened the door he was VERY surprised to see Rouge standing their
“Why would Tails announce what he is doing to an empty room? It would be sound to assume that he would answer the door as he is the only person in the house!” The Nobody scowled. “The illogical nature of this fic is affecting my ability to think with a cool head.”
“Just wait ‘till we get to the sex!” her partner said cheerfully.
“I can barely contain my anticipation.”
"Is it alright if I come in?
"Why?" Tails asked
Luxury grinned – an expression which could clear the halls back at Headquarters in three seconds. “Please say delivering a pizza, please say delivering a pizza…” she said.
"Oh it's the jewel collecting and all that which makes a woman very tired I just want to rest until I can get back on my feet.
“Drat.” She glanced over at Xericka, who was giving her an odd look. “What can I say? I’m a fan of the classics.”
“I was under the impression that Tails was something of a prodigy,” Xericka said as he let Rouge in and scurried off to go get her a glass of water. “His skill with machines is unparalleled. His intelligence is supposedly comparable to that of Dr. Eggman's. And yet,” she went on as he returned with the bat’s drink, “he does not notice that Rouge has pulled the phone cord out of the wall and dropped his cell phone into the trash.”
“Just because someone’s off the charts in one field doesn’t mean they’re omni-capable,” Lux replied. “I mean, look at Eggman. If intelligence were everything, he’d beaten Sonic by now.”
Xericka’s irritation deflated a little. “I have to admit that does make sense.” Rouge sent the little fox away for chips before flying above the door to the kitchen to set a trap. “It still bothers me, but it makes sense,” she said.
She waited until Tails came walking though the doorway, Tails looked around but didn't see Rouge, he was about to sit on the couch before Rouge who was Bigger that tails jumped him from behind by surprise, she grabbed him and dragged him into a room marked Sonic.
The two Bad Slashers crept to the doorway through which Tails had been dragged and peered around the corner. Lux waggled her eyebrows. “You want to go inside and watch?” she said.
“I would prefer to set myself on fire and dance in a shack filled with dynamite. The Words will suffice.”
“Suit yourself.” Lux continued to peek into the other room while Xericka focused her thoughts on the text.
She covered Tails by the mouth so he wouldn't scream, Rouge then proceeded to tie Tails' arms to the bed, because she was bigger than him it was easy for her to do that, she then put a gag over tails' mouth and sat on top of his little helpless body.
“You really should be seeing this up close, Xerry,” Lux protested. “Besides, you’ll probably enjoy it! I’m guessing bondage is your sort of kink, anyway.”
There was an extended period of silence, punctuated only by Tail’s muffled groans from the other room. “What.”
“All black clothing with silver chain decorations?” Lux playfully batted one of the beads hanging from the hood of Xericka’s coat. “That just screams ‘whips and paddles’ to me.”
“This coat is standard for all members of Organization XIII,” Xericka said through gritted teeth.
“And I’ve heard all about those guys. Must’ve been some wild parties back in the Castle That Never Was, am I right?”
Xericka pinched the bridge of her nose and tried to tamp down her growing inclination to throw Luxury under a bus. In the other room, things were beginning to get heated.
Tails didn't want to do this so he screamed out. "STOP LICKING MY DICK!"
Luxury snorted. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard someone say that,” she said. Xericka shot her another curious glance. “Hey, despite what you may think, I get what ‘no’ means. If somebody doesn’t want to go all the way, then I respect that.”
“People tell you ‘no’ all the time. It does not seem to stop your behavior.”
“Yeah, but I limit it to harmless stuff. A goosing here, a glomping there. I’m just showing how much I like you! If I did anything really bad, the Flowers’d have me out of here in a heartbeat.”
"IT'S CALLED A COCK, A COCK! NOT A DICK OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT IT'S CALLED A COCK GOT THAT? A COCK!"
“I believe both terms are acceptable euphemisms for male genitalia,” Xericka said.
“Along with pecker, prick, dork, schlong, willie, John Thomas, one-eyed yogurt slinger—”
“Thank you, Luxury. That will suffice.”
Five minutes had passed. Xericka eased a crick out of her neck and blew a strand of errant blue hair out of her face. “Are they still going?” she said.
Luxury peeked back through the open door. “Yep,” she replied. “Who would have thought blowjobs could become so boring? Wait. Hang on… there he goes!”
“Finally. May we end this atrocity now?”
The blonde agent shook her head. “We’ve still got a chapter and a half to go.”
Then there was a grumbling sound and Rouge looked at her stomach, she then proceeded to kneel above Tails' head.
"Wha-what are you doing?" Tails asked.
"I need to take a piss," Said Rouge.
“What?” Xericka consulted the Remote Activator with a scowl. “There was no warning of urolagnia in the story summary. Some indication that there would be kink play would have been appreciated.”
Luxury winced as the scene unfolded. “Yeesh, right in the eyes! That’s gonna sting in the morning!”
“That is not even mentioning the possibility of infection caused by the transmission of bacteria from the urethra to the eyes.” Now it was Luxury’s turn to look at Xericka funny. The Nobody shrugged. “I read through a few anatomy textbooks before becoming an agent to better identify poor biology. What are they doing now?”
“Let’s see… Ah hah! Rouge is breaking out the whipped cream.” Lux smiled faintly. “Ah, whipped cream. The stories I could tell you, Xerry.”
“Please do not bother yourself on my part. And do not call me Xerry.”
“You’ve got to work fast with that stuff, though.” Lux, lost in the Valley of Sexual Nostalgia, apparently hadn’t heard her. “Wait too long with that stuff on your body and you end up sticking to everything for the next week.” She laughed. “I must’ve waited for two hours wearing nothing but a whipped cream bikini for this one DOGA agent—”
Xericka placed her hands over her ears and began humming ‘Simple and Clean’ as loud as she could. After about fifteen seconds, she removed her hands and looked over at Lux. The blonde agent was silent, but was wearing a grin that would put the Cheshire Cat to shame.
“What?” Xericka said.
“I have to admit, you never struck me as a J-Pop type of girl. I pictured you as more into moody orchestral pieces.”
“It is a side effect of being from a Square Enix continuum. We are practically saturated by the genre.”
“So if I said I had several Ayumi Hamasaki albums back in my RC…”
“It would not change my mind one iota.”
Lux shrugged. ‘It was worth a shot.” She peeked into the room again. “Let’s see where they’re at now…”
Then Rouge did something REALLY painful, she bit Tails' member so hard it was like a bear trap.
Both agents recoiled from the door in horror. “Ow ow ow ow OW!” Lux whimpered as she sympathetically placed her hands over her own crotch. “There is nothing wrong with a playful nip or two, but… OW!”
Xericka had gone ever paler than she normally was. “ ‘Like a bear trap?’ Please tell me that she did not bite it off.”
“No, it’s still attached.”
“A small mercy. He shall still need to visit Doctor Fitzgerald to repair the damage of the bite.” She pinched the bridge of her nose again. “Please tell me that we are nearing the end of this travesty.”
Lux’s eyes unfocused as she consulted the Words. “I think it’s a good time to move,” she said after a few moments. “Especially if we want to minimize the amount of time Tails spends in Medical.”
“It would be quite foolish of me to ask, I am sure, but what happens next?”
“Well, Rouge takes a strap-on and—”
“I can guess as to what happens next, thank you.”
Rouge was walking towards Tails; she climbed on him and kneeled on him.
"I told you you were going to return the favor, now open up."
There was blur of movement and the pressure on his chest was suddenly lifted. Tails lifted his head to see a blonde woman straddling a stunned-looking Rouge. She was beating the white bat around the head with what appeared to a video game jewel case. He opened his mouth to say something when a chunk of plastic connected with his own head.
“I cast you out, spirit of bad rape!fic!” Xericka yelled as she battered the fox with a copy of Sonic Unleashed. “I cast you out, genital mutilation! I cast you out, OOCness! In the name of Sonic Team! In the name of Sega! YOU ARE BANISHED FROM THIS PLACE!”
The wispy form of the Author-wraith spilled from the noses and mouth of the two reeling characters. “I thought this would be like Rouge's character!” it whined.
“To use the vernacular: bullshit.” Xericka winged the video game through the Author-wraith, which dissolved with a shriek.
The Nobody looked down at the young fox tied to the bed. “Tails has fallen unconscious,” she said she untied him as quickly as possible. “I will take him to Doctor Fitzgerald immediately. Luxury, can you – get off her!”
Luxury pouted as she clambered off of Rouge. The bat still looked stunned, although traces of horror were slowly creeping into her expression as the last few traces of the wraith faded.
Xericka sighed. “Perhaps you should take Tails to Medical instead. I shall remain here and neuralyze Rouge and Sonic. He should be returning soon.”
“Okay!” Lux opened up a portal and carried Tails through.
The Nobody walked over to where Rouge was curled up in the fetal position. “Rouge.” She flashed the neuralyzer just as the tear-streaked bat looked up. “You did not just rape Miles ‘Tails’ Prower, nor did you inflict any sort of bodily injury on him. You are here because Sonic bribed you to watch Tails while he went on a date with Amy Rose. We were never here. Now get dressed.”
“Okay.” She picked up her discarded body suit.
Xericka glanced over at the urine stains at Sonic’s bed. “Also, you are going to wash these bedsheets as a favor to Sonic.”
“Okay.”
“Miss me, sweet-no-heart?” Luxury said cheerfully as she portalled back into Sonic’s living room. Tails was sleeping peacefully in her arms.
“Not particularly.” Xericka gestured towards the couch, where Sonic and Rouge were bearing the blank expressions of the recently neuralyzed. “They have both been taken care of. What is the prognosis for Tails?”
“You know Doc Fitzgerald. A little complaining followed by a little medicine. Tails is as good as new, with no memory of the rape to boot!” She laid him down on the couch next to the two canon characters.
“Then we may finally leave this continuum?”
“Yep!” Lux wrapped her arms around the Nobody’s waist. “Now it’s back to my RC for whipped cream and J-pop!”
“I am afraid I must pass.” She took the Remote Activator from Lux and opened a portal back to her own RC.
“Ah, back to your own place? You saucy little thing, you!” She nipped at Xericka’s ear.
“Enough.” She pulled herself out of the blonde agent’s grip.
“Can’t blame a girl for trying,” Lux said as the two agents returned to the grey drabness of the RC.
Xericka opened her mouth to frame a new retort when she suddenly tripped on something. One second later, she was enjoying a new and much closer view of the floor.
“Ooh, that looked like it hurt,” Lux said.
“Your powers of deduction are astounding to behold.” The Nobody looked towards her feet and saw the shoulder strap of a large black duffel bag wrapped around them. “That was not there before.”
“Hey, looks like someone does live here! Coulda fooled me. This place’s got nothing going for it,” said a brand new voice.
Xericka shifted her view towards the doorway to the bunkroom. There was a black-haired teenage girl standing there with a cocky grin on her face. She was wearing black shorts and a purple tank top, which was cut high enough to reveal twin crimson lighting bolt tattoos on either side of her navel.
“You must be my new partner,” the newcomer said.
“I’ll leave you two to get acquainted,” Luxury said. She leaned down and whispered in Xericka’s ear. “The offer still stands, Xerry, if you ever change your mind.” She then winked and skipped out.
“Nice meeting you,” the girl called after the blonde agent. She then refocused her attention on the floor-bound girl. “Xericka, right? Name’s Gremlin. You seen my duffel bag anywhere?”
Agent Xericka of the Bad Slash division came to the realization that she was probably going to be acting very annoyed for the foreseeable future.
Tags: